I tripped, I stumbled, I fall but that won’t stop me from picking myself up from trying again and again.
Yesterday would have marked my completion of thirty days of eating whole; unfortunately, life decided to toss an edamame pod in my face. Figuratively speaking, but it did find its way through my teeth and into my mouth.
Edamame, green and steamed to perfection with a sprinkle of sea salt. It sat in front of me, sitting innocently amongst its camaraderie. Without a thought (sound the alarms), I picked up a pod and in it went. Delicious. Reaching for another pod, the realization hit me like a ton of bricks. As quickly as my brain came to grips of what had occurred, the pod slipped through my fingers, landing soundlessly on my plate. Although in my ears, it sounded like an explosion going off.
A wave of emotions rushed through me.
Anger. Disappointment. Distraught. Failure.
It’s funny, yet sad, that a single, small edamame pod could bring forth such strong emotions. But it did only because I allowed it to affect me in that manner. It was because of my commitment to this challenge. Unconsciously, my mindset changed for the worst. My purpose was no longer focused on cleansing, detoxing and healing myself, I became focused on completion, dicipline, and results with no margin for error.
At that moment, eating just one pod was unforgivable and I don’t think I could have forgiven myself if I didn’t have the support that I do, my inner circle. It doesn’t matter if some are less than ten miles away while others are ten thousand miles away, they continue to provide the support and grounding that I need to stay levelheaded. The words “thank you“ wouldn’t even be enough to express my gratitude for them.
Looking back, it’s silly to know that something so minuscule could evoke so much negativity. So much darkness in my mind and how it easily affected my mood, all from one little edamame pod. But it is a sad truth for many where that darkness, those negative thoughts, can consume oneself. It doesn’t have to be from “failing” a challenge, there are multiple variables that could lead to that darkness, and some may not have the support and love that I am so fortunate to have.
If this is the case for anyone, don’t hesitate and be afraid. There are always people who are willing to offer a listening ear, physically or digitally. Don’t allow that darkness and negativity bring you down, take ahold of it and let the light within you shine through.
Although I didn’t “complete” the challenge, I will be taking what I learned from this process and apply it my next go-around. Leaving those negative thoughts and emotions behind, only taking along what I need to move forward, the word “forgiveness.” Everyone makes mistakes, it doesn’t matter if it’s big or small. No one is perfect and everyone is perfectly imperfect.